


Wingman of an Angel

by Crewe



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 05:51:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8275129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crewe/pseuds/Crewe
Summary: When Pike comes out to him, Scanlan makes it his mission to find her a girlfriend.
The rest of Vox Machina is a little confused as to why he's been acting strange lately...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Someone on tumblr made a post about Pike coming out to Scanlan and Scanlan immediately becoming the Ultimate Wingman and that is 110% what would definitely happen if she ever did so then this happened.

The rest of the Vox Machina has long since gone to bed, but Percy remains in the mansion’s lounge, browsing a book from Scanlan’s library—it had taken him a while to find the sections not dedicated to pornography, but it had been worth the search; he had some wonderful historical tomes.

 

He looks up as a weight drops down beside him, and raises his eyebrows at the sight of the bard himself flopped down on the couch and staring up at the ceiling, evidently lost in thought. The last Percy had seen him, he and Pike had been sitting at the dining table after dinner, talking in low tones.

 

He wonders what she’d told him. It must have been _something_ important to get him looking so subdued.

 

“Hey, Percy?” Scanlan asks, clearly distracted.

 

“Yes, Scanlan?” Percy replies, leaning forward slightly. Was he going to find out?

 

“Kima’s totally gay, right?”

 

Percy resists the urge to smack his face against his book. Apparently not.

 

“Yes, and considering she’s also in a relationship with Allura, I really don't think you have a shot.”

 

Scanlan frowns, apparently still lost in thought. “Do we know any other women who are into chicks?”

 

“Allura. Is there something you want to tell me, Scanlan?”

 

Scanlan gives an explosive sigh and says glumly, “No.”

 

 Percy quietly closes his book and stands up. When the conversation starts getting this weird, maybe it’s a clue that it's time to go to bed.

 

\--

 

They’re in a bar celebrating the successful survival of another day. Upon beginning their customary thank-the-gods-we’re-alive pub crawl, Vox Machina had met an intriguing stranger: a dwarven paladin of Pelor, come from Vasselheim to aid in the rebuilding of the temple in Whitestone. After a conversation in which the party determined that she was both trustworthy and good company, they invited her along.

 

By the third bar, Percy and Pike have had to take an utterly wasted Keyleth to bed, and the rest of the party is only a few steps behind. Well, except for Grog—and the paladin—who continue to cheerfully match each other drink-for-drink while telling increasingly bawdy jokes and stories in increasingly louder voices.

 

Vex nurses a glass of water while watching them with amusement. A silent exchange with her brother at the beginning of the night had determined that she would be the one to stay mostly sober tonight and make sure no one does anything entirely _too_ stupid (like, say, trapping themselves in a closet), but watching Grog get out-drunk by someone a third his size is always entertainment enough.

 

An elbow nudges her side, and she glances down to see Scanlan staring intently at the paladin. Rolling her eyes, she ignores him. Typical. Maybe he’ll do something stupid and get his ass kicked.

 

Vex is still debating whether or not she would try to stop him from doing said stupid thing when she feels his elbow nudge her again, more insistently.

 

“Vex,” he hisses out of the corner of his mouth, a little too loud.

 

“What?”

 

“Oi, Vex.”

 

“ _What_ , Scanlan?” Aggrieved, she looks back down at him to find his gaze has moved to her.

 

“Go flirt with her.”

 

Vex’s eyebrows draw together. “What, why?”

 

“Well, Keyleth isn’t here to do it, and I need to know if she likes chicks!”

 

Vex scrunches her nose. “Really, Scanlan? That’s gross.”

 

He looks offended, like he’s genuinely confused as to why she would think him wanting to watch her flirt with a girl for his own entertainment was gross. “What, no, just—go do it, okay? She’s perfect, I just need to know if she’s into girls!”

 

“ _Seriously_?”

 

Scanlan throws his hands up in exasperation. “Yes! Look, she’s a holy woman, she’s _smoking_ hot, she obviously gets along with Grog, it would be a perfect fit!”

 

Vex gives him a suspicious look, frowning. “Scanlan, are you trying to find a replacement Pike?”

 

He gives her a wounded look. “I would never! Just—“

 

“I think you’ve had enough, dear.” Vex drags his cup away from him and gets up.

 

“Vex, wait—“

 

Ignoring him, Vex saunters over to her brother, who looks up and gives her a loose smile. She drops Scanlan’s drink down beside him, and he stares into it intently, like it might hold all the answers. She snaps to get his attention back.

 

“Brother, it’s getting rather late, and I think I’m going to go to bed. Do keep an eye on Scanlan, hm?”

 

Vax nods, his head bobbing on his neck. “Yeah, yeah, sure. Wha’s he doing?”

 

“Apparently, trying to figure out if our new friend over there likes girls. Make sure he doesn’t scare her off or anything, all right?”

 

Vax frowns. “Tha's pretty weird.”

 

 “Yes, well, that's Scanlan for you. Anyways, good night,” she says, and pats his shoulder.

 

“G’night, sis. Love you.”

 

Vex smiles fondly. “I love you too, brother. Try not to choke on your ale.”

 

With one last look at Scanlan—who has gone back to fixing the paladin with an assessing stare—Vex rolls her eyes and leaves the bar.

 

What a strange little man.

 

\--

 

Keyleth glances over as Scanlan shuffles into the kitchen. She’s surprised to see him; normally she’s the only one up this early. The staff hasn’t even started cooking the chickens yet for breakfast.

 

“Morning, Scanlan,” she says cheerfully.

 

Scanlan nods absentmindedly, meandering over and pouring himself a mug of coffee from the kettle Keyleth had brewed for herself.

 

When he doesn’t say anything, she goes back to her book. Percy had shown her this great anthology of legends from across Tal’Dorei that was hidden in a back corner of the library, and she was reading it any chance she got. It's really too bad they can't take books out of the mansion with them. Scanlan eventually comes and sits down beside her, and they sip coffee in companionable silence for a while.

 

Just as Keyleth is starting to think about how he makes surprisingly nice company this early, he pipes up.

 

“Do you think Pike likes blondes, brunettes, or redheads better?”

 

Keyleth raises her eyebrows over her mug, then slowly sets it down and turns to face him. Scanlan continues staring at his mug, a pensive expression on his face.

 

“… I don’t know. Why do you ask, Scanlan?” She pauses as a thought strikes her, and grins. “Are you thinking about dyeing your hair? Because I know some really great all-natural ways to get _amazing_ color, I can totally help you out.”

 

Scanlan blinks up at her, then cocks his head, clearly considering. “Do you think I should? I mean, I already have a pretty good look going on here, I don’t want to mess anything up—“

 

Keyleth waves her hands excitedly. “No, no, it could be great! I think red would clash with most of your wardrobe, but you could go blonde, or we could do something _really_ crazy and go for a nice blue or green, or a pink, or maybe even like a chartreuse—“

 

“Do you think that would be too distracting? I mean, I don’t want to draw attention away from everything _else_ , you get me?” Scanlan says, gesturing to the rest of his body—currently clad in a silk bathrobe rather than his usual extravagant adventuring garb, but Keyleth gets what he means.

 

“You’re right, it might be a little _too_ much if we do something too bright… But we could try highlights!”

 

By the time the rest of the party finds their way to the kitchen and breakfast is served, Keyleth has forgotten all about Scanlan’s original question—but is definitely planning on flipping through her herbalism book with him later.

 

\--

 

Grog passes his waterskin up to where Scanlan is perched on his shoulder, leaning back against the goliath’s head and idly strumming his lute. The gnome accepts it gratefully, and silently hands it back after a few moments.

 

Grog draws his whetstone from his belt and starts drawing it along his axe’s blade, cheerfully humming along with Scanlan as he does.

 

When the strumming stops, Grog pauses and glances at his friend out of the corner of his eye. Scanlan has let the lute fall slack against his drawn-up knees, his lips pursed in thought.

 

He’s been doing this more often, staring off into space instead of babbling away like usual. Grog doesn’t mind not talking, not at all, but he’s actually starting to get a little concerned—Scanlan isn’t exactly what one might call “quiet” or “thinking-ful”. Most of the time, anyway.

 

“’Ey, Scanlan,” he says abruptly. The gnome jumps a little, and cranes his head around to look at him.

 

“Yeah, Grog?”

 

“Is something the matter, mate?”

 

Scanlan shrugs and goes back to reclining against Grog’s head. “No, just thinking… that barbarian was definitely flirting with Vex, wasn’t she?”

 

Grog raises his eyes. “What, the one from the woods?”

 

“Yeah, her. I mean, she was totally flirting, right?”

 

Grog shrugs, making Scanlan yelp and grab at him to stay on. “I dunno, I guess. I wasn’t really paying attention, y’know? Too busy smashing heads and whatnot, you know how it is.”

 

Scanlan hums to himself. “If you say so.”

 

There’s another long pause, where Grog continues steadily sharpening his axe.

 

“What did you think of her?” Scanlan says suddenly.

 

“Who?”

 

“The barbarian!”

 

Grog shrugs again, and Scanlan whaps his chest. It mostly feels like a small fly. “I dunno. She was pretty badass, yeah, but no sense of humor. Bit of a prude, too. Didn’t wanna go drinking with us, I mean who doesn't like some ale after a good battle?”

 

“Hmm.”

 

Now that he’s thinking about it, that _was_ pretty rude of her. The barbarian they had met in the Frostweald had helped them out in a tough spot, but what kind of fighter turns up their nose at some good ale? Or at least, if she didn’t want ale (a wholly unreasonable stance, to his mind), a good meal with a group of pretty fucking awesome people?

 

Mmm. A meal. He could go for some chicken right now. Any kind of bird, really, though the mansion staff really liked their chicken, and it’s not like Grog is gonna turn down a good, juicy chicken, with maybe some nice dressing…

 

Chickens… dressing…

 

“Hey, Scanlan, want to go steal Vax’s clothes while he’s in the shower?”

 

“Obviously.”

 

\--

 

Vax watches Scanlan get up from the table from across the bar where he’s sitting at the counter.

 

Apparently, that gnome didn’t take kindly to his… flirting? Probably?

 

After a moment, Vax gets up as well and slips off after Scanlan. He’s probably fine, but… he _did_ look genuinely upset when he left, which is unusual enough for him, but he’s also been acting strangely recently. He’s quieter, which is frankly unnerving, and now that he’s thinking about it, the rest of the party have mentioned some strange conversations with him—well, strange in a different way than most conversations with him are strange.

 

Vax’ll just… go make sure he’s okay. Sneak after him, see if he notices anything weird going on while he’s alone. Maybe he finally found some drugs or something.

 

Wouldn’t _that_ be something—and if that’s what’s going on, Vax _definitely_ wants to be there, both to watch and to ask why the hell he isn’t sharing. He thought their friendship was stronger than that.

 

Unsurprisingly, Scanlan doesn’t notice him following behind—what _is_ surprising, though, is that instead of turning off into his own room, he knocks at the door to Pike’s.

 

Oh boy. Vax stops just around the corner to watch, prepared to intervene if necessary. He doesn’t _think_ Scanlan will do anything really stupid just because he was rejected, but he can’t quite rule it out, either.

 

He does have a history of being incredibly dumb when it comes to Pike.

 

When Pike opens the door, however, rather than propositioning her or giving her some long rambling plea for sympathy, he simply steps inside and she closes the door.

 

Vax hesitates. This is probably none of his business. He should really just go back downstairs and pretend he never saw anything. Pike can handle Scanlan just fine on her own.

 

_But_ … He can just see Vex’s face if she finds out something weird was going on with the gnomes and he didn’t find out what. And then _she_ would try to find out, and he wouldn’t wish that fate on anybody—much less his good friends.

 

Maybe he’ll just… listen for a minute. Just a minute. If they’re doing anything too private (or boring) he’ll go back downstairs and forget about it.

 

Vax slides up beside the door and puts his ear to the keyhole, straining to make out the soft conversation on the other side.

 

“—‘s okay, Scanlan.”

 

“No, Pike—“

 

“Really, I’m not mad.”

 

“But I promised!”

 

The tips of Vax’s ears prick up. Promised?

 

“You didn’t have to, Scanlan.”

 

“I know, but I _want_ to. You deserve the best, Pike, and I want to help you find it.”

 

“And I appreciate that, but—“

 

“No, Pike, listen. When you came out to me, it was a beautiful moment that we shared. And I want to honor that by finding you the greatest girlfriend in all of Tal’Dorei. Someone who’s worthy of being with you. But I just keep striking out!”

 

Vax slowly backs away from the door. Okay. Maybe this is really not his business and he should just pretend he never heard it. Yes. Definitely that.

 

He makes a promise to himself not to tell Vex this ever happened as he scurries silently back down the stairs.

 

\--

 

Pike sighs in fond exasperation as she frowns at Scanlan’s earnest face. Ever since she came out to him a few weeks ago, he’s had a single-minded focus on one goal: to find her a girlfriend.

 

On the one hand, at least he’s given up his awkward courtship. And it is rather sweet of him, in his own, overblown and overbearing way.

 

On the other… sweet Sarenrae, Scanlan, give it a _rest_.

 

“Scanlan…”

 

He immediately perks up, clearly prepared to hang on her every word. He’s a bit like her very own puppy, and it would be adorable if it wasn’t so… much. Pike takes a deep breath and carefully selects her next words.

 

“It’s really nice of you to go to so much trouble for me, and I really appreciate it and all, but… why don’t you leave it to me?”

 

“But—“

 

“I promise, if I find someone I like, I’ll let you know and you can be my wingman.”

 

Scanlan sighs, but offers a tentative smile. Pike can’t help but smile back. Scanlan may be a pain a lot of the time, but he _is_ her friend.

 

“Well, all right. If that’s what you want.”

 

“Thank you, Scanlan.” On an impulse, Pike leans forward and gives him a brief peck on the cheek. “I promise I’ll let you know.”

 

Scanlan’s trademark cocky grin slowly returns and Pike can see the gleam in his eyes that means he’s starting to scheme.

 

“Good. But _just_ wondering… you’ve met that paladin in Whitestone, right? Because I’m like, 80% sure that she was playing for your team, but I never quite got confirmation, but I’m sure if we worked together we could figure her out…”

 

Pike rolls her eyes and can’t help but chuckle.

 

Well. That paladin _was_ pretty cute.

**Author's Note:**

> It's both the first thing I've written from a perspective other than Scanlan himself and I'm not super happy with it??? But oh well.


End file.
